


Glass Castle

by PhoenixFalling



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, just one more chip and she's gonna shatter, lena's got issues yall, lena's struggling REAL hard with the temptation to go back to kara, supercorp clearly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:15:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23077663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhoenixFalling/pseuds/PhoenixFalling
Summary: On Earth Prime, Lena Luthor had it all. But she wasn't one of the lucky ones, her memory was still intact. That included the heartbreak of losing the one person she could always count on, ultimately leaving her alone. Lena has to deal with her plentiful of inner issues, addressing the source of why she was broken and destroyed over the fact that Kara was Supergirl.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Glass Castle

One moment, Lena was staring into the face of certain doom in the shape of a terrifying red wave, the next minute she was face to face with her suddenly alive brother. The bastard wouldn’t stay dead, would he? 

Her first thought after seeing his malicious and untrustworthy eyes was Kara. Did she know he was back? And then her memories came flooding back, all the secrets and broken hearts, along with an endless supply of questions. 

What was most important was that she was completely alone, more so than she had ever been. It was different before, after Andrea burnt any remaining shred of trust she had left, Lena had to rebuild herself. That fresh version of Lena Luthor was strong, determined to overcome her toxic family by doing everything herself, without relying on anyone for help or companionship. 

Than Kara came along, it wasn’t long before she found that the cold exterior Lena worked so hard to maintain melted thanks to Kara’s sunny and sweet personality. She’d gone through a few guys, although they served purely as distractions and playthings because deep down, she knew who she wanted to be with. Someone who made her heart skip a beat whenever she spoke, someone that caused butterflies to flutter when their eyes meet. 

Her feelings, no matter how complicated and unwanted, were undeniable. The sooner she accepted her feelings the better, but instead she just shoved them deep, deep down until she had to address them. Lena figured that maybe once things calmed down with Lex than she would finally confess to Kara, but Lex made sure she would never know peace even in his temporary death. 

Or at least she kept blaming Lex, it was easy to blame the endless pit of pain she felt now. Kara’s secret hit hard. Not only was it so unexpected, but how it was both obvious and shocking at the same time. How had she not figured out who Kara really was? Lex and Lillian knew, so how did they find out when she couldn’t? 

Just as things had gotten better between her and Supergirl, that work relationship was gone. Now she couldn’t see Kara, or Supergirl’s face without a pang of sorrow. Which was hard, considering Supergirl was everywhere and apparently on this new earth, the Luthors willingly worked with Supergirl. Wonderful. She could feel herself starting to cave if she was around Kara for too long or else the facade would crumble.

Kara built Lena up to where she felt like she could walk on clouds just to leave her stranded on an island. 

Lena should have learned her lesson with Andrea, falling in love with a friend never ended well, they would always end up stinging you in the end. She had to admit though, Kara was different, she always was different from anyone Lena had ever known. There was no telling how she would have handled her super secret if Lena had heard it from Kara herself, whether it be years before or years later. 

When then? Could Kara have told her and she would have accepted it? She always had her trust issues, especially when it involved her Luthor genes. Kara had never judged her for being a Luthor, but maybe Lex’s raw hatred and persistence of trying to kill Kryptonians pushed Kara to keep her secret. Or maybe Kara was just selfish, like she said, and knew what telling Lena would do. She wasn’t wrong, that’s for sure. 

Lena leaned against the balcony outside her office, blankly staring across this foreign National City. It felt so familiar, but nothing really was the same. Not to mention the abundance of superheroes popping up, but even the everyday civilian seemed alien. Even Lilian, a woman she knew all too well, felt… off. Lex and Kara were the only people that felt real, everyone else felt like they were leftover from a nightmare, stuck in her own personal hellscape. 

She really was in hell. 

On her former earth, no one would bat an eye at a Luthor and Super against each other, although that would mean Kara would have to fight back. Kara didn’t even try to stop Lena when there were Kryptonite cannons aimed right at her, what would it take to get her to try and stop her. Not with words but with her powers? The very thing Kara hid from Lena she refused to use against her. Now both Lean and Kara had to play nice, Lena had to keep up public appearances no matter how hard it was for her personally. 

On the plus side, it looked like her presence hurt Kara more than how betrayed Lena felt whenever she so much as looked at Kara. That was saying a lot with how Lena truly felt. Lena kept her distance, knowing she had to be cold to keep her away because if she gave Kara even an ounce of hope, than she would stop at nothing to mend their friendship. 

Lena wasn’t ready to forgive Kara. Maybe someday, just not yet. 

But up here in her office, safe from her manipulative brother. And unless Supergirl invites herself in, safe from seeing the one person she felt a burning desire to see. Safe in her tower, this was the first moment she truly had to herself to finally absorb things. Her new life, or whatever this life is until Lex and Lillian inevitably ruins it. It was nice, she would have to admit, not have everyone automatically despise her simply for her name. 

Now, she was worried about what Lex was planning. What was his endgame? Did he still want Kara dead? Did he want all aliens off the planet? Lena had promised to help him, only so that she may stay ahead and protect those he intended to harm. She wasn’t sure why he crafted himself at the head of the DEO, just that it couldn’t be for the greater good. Lex did things for Lex, everyone else was just a pawn in the game of life. And that meant everyone was expendable. 

This was the only way she could keep her distance from Kara as she rebuilt her stone walls, but so she could also keep her safe too. Lena had endured a lot of shit from her family and those that had betrayed her in her early years but no one had ever hurt her as much as Kara did. 

It wasn’t simply that she was hurt, but the moment Lex revealed the footage, the blinders were ripped away from her. Her safeguard, gone in a flash. She was so used to leaning on Kara for support, she had almost forgotten what it was like to suffer alone. At least with Kara, she had someone to just listen and lend an ear and some words of praise. All she had now was a couple friendly glasses of wine for breakfast, lunch and accompanying dinner. 

She had been alone before, but now felt different. She felt like she was missing a part of her, like she’d lost half the pieces of a puzzle in a fire, yet she still tried to complete the picture. The moon without the sun to follow, a night sky with no stars. Lena knew she couldn’t live off this slight buzz forever, she couldn’t sustain off alcohol to keep her feelings at bay, or at least dulled. 

If she was honest with herself, she kept herself numb to the world because she didn’t like feeling things. Feelings were a burden and a distraction, one that she couldn’t handle. Lena wasn’t strong enough alone to deal with the loneliness, sorrow, self-doubt. 

She may be a functioning alcoholic, but that even Lena had her limits. She could go toe to toe with Lilian and Lex on any normal day, but with this new Earth, nothing was normal. Especially now that she was so distracted with her thoughts about whether or not she should reach out to Kara. It wasn’t her fault that she felt things like guilt or had a conscious unlike Lex and Lillian, she would love to be a cold, emotionless monster like the rest of her family. 

Lena couldn’t shake her mother’s words, “in a moment of weakness, you’ll let down your guard down and become friends once more. You’ll be vulnerable when she hurts you all over again.”

It was because Lilian was right. No matter how badly she wanted to go back to Kara, Lena couldn’t risk being burnt again. Especially since Kara didn’t know just how deep Lena’s feelings were for her and since she didn’t return them… It would be best for Lena to stay away until they die off. There wasn’t a single part of her that believed there was even a chance Kara felt that way towards her, not that they had ever discussed sexualities or relationships. Now as the only time neither of them were seeing someone, but it didn’t matter. Kara had never expressed interest in Lena as anything more than a best friend. 

At her core, Lena knew she just couldn’t take one more heartbreak. Kara’s secrets and betrayals had been the final hammer against her glass heart. Anymore would surely kill her, at least if she worked with Lex and Lilian, she couldn’t get burned. At least, not in the same, soul crushing way.  
Lena didn’t know what she was more scared of, Kara feeling the same way or the off chance that she would hurt her again.

If Lena could, she would never feel again. Nothing was worse for her than feeling, because it was the one thing she couldn’t take away. Even tucked away in her safe boxes, she still knew it was there- someday they would surface. Now she was trying to stuff things further down where they would never see the sun, but it was like trying to close an overstuffed suitcase. No matter how you folded it, cramming in that last little sock, it wouldn’t zip. 

She closed her eyes, allowing herself to enjoy the cool breeze that glided through National City. Lena forced herself to relax, surprised to find that her hands were sore from gripping the railing too tightly. She rubbed her hands together, trying to get back feeling when a loud knock caught her attention. 

Lena quickly adjusted herself-making sure her hair was in place and her suit wasn’t creased, to welcome her guest. She was expecting Lex or Lilian, although neither would be so courteous as to give her a warning.

Dread. Lena’s stomach knotted as Alex Danvers walked into her office. She half expected to see Kara peeking around the corner, and to her disappointment it looked like Alex was alone. While it was for the better, a part of her wanted to see Kara. 

What did she want? She had yet to see Alex on this new Earth, nor did she really care too. It wasn’t hard to predict why she was here, either DEO business or Kara. Probably Kara. She had never seen the Director so upset over anything DEO related. No, this face was only reserved when it came to her sister. 

“I am really not interested if Kara sent you here to apologize. I know you used Kara to destroy my nonochre systems and used the Martian’s brainwaves to combat my satellites,” Lena poured herself a glass of whiskey. 

“No, I stand beside that decision,” Alex held her gaze evenly, “I’m not here to talk about DEO or Lex, or any business.”

“Oh? Did Kara send you to try and convince me to partner with her instead of Lex?” Lena rolled her eyes, “Of course she wouldn’t trust me to make my own decision.”

Alex frowned deepened as she was clearly bothered by Lena’s words. “Not that you have any reason to trust me, or believe me, but Kara doesn’t know I’m here. I felt you needed to know the whole story, I can see that you’re deeply hurt by this. And nothing I say will change that, I know, but I don’t want you to entirely blame Kara.”

“Last time I checked, it was Kara that was Supergirl, not any of you,” Lena replied coldly. 

“Well, no. We all knew. It wasn’t simple, I can’t tell you why exactly Kara struggled so hard to tell you, but I can tell you how hard it was. She was going to tell you months ago, but then Lex resurfaced. All that Agent Liberty shit happened-

“What are you getting at, Alex? I remember all of that very clearly- I also recall that I almost watched my best friend explode in Kaznia. Of course she didn’t, she was perfectly fine considering she’s virtually indestructible. I also recall that you were just as cautious and wary of Supergirl as I was!” Lena seethed, her grip tightening on the glass. There was not enough alcohol in the world to get her through this conversation.

“Okay. Fair enough. What you didn’t know was that the President was determined to find Kara’s identity. They were even using the truth seeker. J’onn erased my memories to protect Kara.”

For once, Lena was wordless. She knew what this meant, and could understand how Kara’s own sister not knowing her secret must have been insanely difficult.

“She had no one to turn to for guidance. Kara was alone. Your relationship with Supergirl was fractured for reasons I have no say in. But when me, her own sister, was against her? She had no one to vent about her double life, not anyone that would understand,” Alex ran her hand through her short auburn hair as she took a moment to gather her thoughts.

Lena raised an eyebrow, trying to keep a neutral appearance for Alex’s sake. But on the inside, she could feel herself giving in to the temptation of forgiving Kara. Nothing was as simple as she thought, or at least made herself believe. 

“And now what? Do you just expect me to keel over and be her lap dog? For me and Kara to be friends again? It isn’t that simple.” Lena forced herself to say, tracing a finger along the top of her desk as she approached Alex. 

A look of doubt darkened Alex’s eyes as she responded, “I don’t know. I just had to say something, watching Kara mop around instead of being her usual chipper self… I don’t care if you believe me, I care about Kara’s happiness. You were a pretty integral part of that, and now you’re not and she’s just not the same. I don’t know if she will ever be the same after this. I do hope that one day we’ll recover our lost friendship too, not just because we’re forced to work together now- but because I do genuinely enjoy your company.”

“I’ll take your words into consideration. I do appreciate your take on this, even if unwarranted. But there are things that you just don’t know on my end as well that doesn’t make this so easy,” Lena didn’t want to elaborate, but by the look on Alex’s face, she caught her unwanted attention. 

“I know you’ve had people betray you your entire life, but when I say this, I don’t say this lightly; you mean the world to Kara. More so than anyone I can think of. And I know she’s important to you or else you wouldn’t have let me talk this long. She isn’t Lex, or Lilian. She had nothing to gain from lying to you, but everything to lose if she told you,” Alex dipped her head before letting herself out. 

The room went dead silent as Lena was left alone once more with her thoughts, now with more confusion and stress than before.


End file.
